“Be a blessing to others, but don’t allow it to steal the joy and abundancy from your own life” -Joyce Meyer
Are you a people pleaser?
I’m curious, do you find yourself feeling trapped or aware of building resentment and overwhelm in your life? If you are brutally honest with yourself, do you often say yes out of obligation like, “I should do this,” instead of following your heart saying, “I really don’t want to do this”?
Ongoing people pleasing blocks you from becoming the best person you were created to be by putting personal growth, and goals on hold while you spend your life trying to please other people around you.
You might be a people pleaser if………
- You continually make decisions in life hoping to make others happy.
- You believe you have the ability to make most people in your relationships happy if you keep trying harder and harder to create happiness.
- You continually put your own needs on the back burner so that you can help someone else. Hint that you are doing this: You feel resentment as you complain about the deeds you are doing for others. This complaining can be out loud to other people or silently to yourself.
- You feel bad when the people you are helping are not living happy lives.
- You are dishonest. In other words, you tell people what they want to hear because to be honest, might upset, offend, create anger, or sadness in others’ lives.
The cost of people-pleasing
People-pleasing requires you to disrespect yourself. Saying yes when you really want to say no is disrespectful. Feeling dread or wishing you would have said no when you said yes…. is self disrespect.
People-pleasing requires you to be responsible for what is NOT your responsibility. Feeling that it’s on you to create a joyful life for others, rescuing your children from their choice consequences, or conforming to a controlling spouse who makes the decisions for your life, are just a few examples of the ways you take responsibility that is not yours to own.
People-pleasing requires you to have unhealthy relationships. It’s not your job to say yes to everything and everyone and it’s not your job to create a happy life for everyone. Your job is to be true to yourself and God’s calling on your life. Think about your relationships right now….is there a balance of giving and taking?
People-pleasing requires you to be a fake. Telling someone what they want to hear. Making a choice that others feel is the right choice for you to make. Missed opportunities because you were pleasing someone else is not being true to yourself. It’s time to stand up for what you believe and do what you feel is right.
So, now what?
Joyce Meyer in her book, Authentically, Uniquely You, reminds us all that it’s never too late to change people-pleasing habits. Start by taking small steps and consider the following:
- Have a heart-to-heart conversation with those you love. Explain your true beliefs and values about the choice you feel is right.
- Communicate your responsibility. What you need and what you can do.
- Assess others’ responses or reactions. Do they line up with something you can continue to do and believe in? Do their responses leave you feeling at peace? If not, maybe it’s time to take a break from people pleasing.
If you found this information to ring true in your life, be encouraged…. Your people-pleasing habits did not happen overnight. With daily practice, you can turn your life around and become the person you were created to be, and live the life you desire.
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