Recently, I met with a client who has been trying to make a couple of positive changes in her life. The week before we met, she experienced a setback. She began our conversation by calling herself stupid and weak. She then proceeded to explain how disgusted she was with herself to the point of saying she might as well give up and quit trying to lose the extra weight and cut back on her drinking. “After all, I’ve tried time and time again, and I always fail.”
I asked my client to think about how she would respond if this were her best friend talking to her about this disappointment? Without hesitation, my client said that she would try to encourage her friend to keep trying and help her recognize this is just a setback. I asked my client, “Do you mean you would not call your best friend stupid or weak”? “That’s right, she is not stupid or weak, but just simply having a tough time with this change.” We both laughed!
So, why is my client stupid and weak but her friend is simply having a difficult time?
Does this conversation sound familiar? When you experience a setback in your own life, how do you respond? Do you beat yourself up, or do you encourage yourself?
Last week we discussed creating new habits by breaking down the specific change you want to make into tiny action steps. Here’s that link in case you missed it https://tammybarnett.com/3-steps-to-lasting-change/
One key principle to successful change is to celebrate every time you complete one tiny action step, and never, yes never, beat yourself up. B J Fogg, in his book Tiny Habits, reports that you make changes when you feel good about yourself. Let me say that again, you make changes when you feel good about yourself, not when you beat yourself up! If you mess up, step back and ask yourself what happened? Maybe you need to break down the action step even smaller or change it around and try something different.
Another report recently states, people make lasting change in their life, when they take tiny action steps!
The verdict is also out on the thought that it takes 21 days, or 60 day or whatever days to build a new habit. Changes and habits are formed in different time periods for different people. Don’t believe me? What age and how long does it take for a baby to go from crawling to mastering walking? You guessed it……It’s different for every baby!
Back to the celebrating part. Every day, yes, every single day remember to celebrate yourself….. especially the tiny, baby steps you are taking! Make yourself feel good about yourself! Treat yourself as you would your best friend. Or as another client tells me, “I’m going to pretend I’m dating myself!”
Be kind to yourself with your words and your actions! If you need some help, contact me. I would love to help you! And would love to help you celebrate you!
Celebrate your wins!
Oh and don’t forget to sign up for the This is You 2020 event taking place on January 25. Register today space is limited! https://tammybarnett.com/events/
If you found this helpful, thank you for sharing!